After we decided which fertility clinic was best for us it was time to reach out and make an appointment. When we went to schedule our appointment we suddenly found ourselves with a list of things to do before your we even met with our chosen physician. This preliminary process before the first consultation is different from practice to practice, but I found the steps my wife and I had to take to be helpful and informational. In this post today, I will discuss the preliminary process we had to go through before our first consultation with the fertility clinic.
Preliminary Process
Educational Videos
New Patient paperwork
Psychologist Consultation
Educational Videos
Prior to our first televisit with our doctor we needed to watch two informational videos. The first video was about the IUI and IVF process. This video was approximately 45 minutes long and went into detail about what the processes are and what to expect for the doctor visits. I am not going into much detail at this time about the two processes. If you are interested in learning more about the IUI process, check out my earlier post called, "Home Insemination or IUI: What is best for you?" In this post I outline exactly what IUI is and what to expect. In a future post I will thoroughly explain the IVF process.
The second video we were required to watch was what I like to call the "reality check" video. This video explained the psychological affects of the fertility process and what to expect not only physically, but emotionally. For many people starting the fertility process with a medical facility, they have already tried for at least a year only to be unsuccessful. To say this takes an enormous emotional toll on a person or couple is the understatement of the century. The video we watched basically warned us about depression, anxiety, and the strain it can put on a relationship. The video also expressed the importance of having a solid support system outside of your relationship, which I will get more into in the last paragraph.
New Patient Paperwork
The new patient paperwork was similar to what you would have to provide to any medical practice. The paperwork included medical history for the spouse who would be undergoing the procedures, psychological history, and health habits. I also had to have my OBGYN release my medical records to the fertility clinic and sign consent forms to be seen. This was all pretty routine.
Psychologist Consultation
When we were told that we had to have a consultation with a psychologist prior to our first visit, I was a little skeptical. We had already watched the video on the psychological affects of the fertility process so I thought it this step was unnecessary. That being said, this was probably the most beneficial part of the preliminary process. The main point of this consultation was not only to allow us a moment to reflect on the emotional journey we were about to embark on, but it was to evaluate our readiness to become a parent of a donor conceived child.
It is a little crazy to me that we were required to complete this consultation when so many other people are able to have kids without any psychological intervention. It is also interesting that a straight couple we know who did not use a donor but did go through the IUI process with the same medical practice was not required to do a psychological consultation. I think it is beneficial for all parents undergoing IUI or other advanced reproductive procedure to understand the emotional affects these types of procedures can have on you and your partner.
That being said, you are probably wondering what kind of questions we were asked. These are what some of the questions and answers (tentatively) were:
Question: Why do you want to be parents?"
Answer:
Me: I have always wanted to be a mom. I have always dreamed about having kids because to me my life is not complete without a family.
My wife: I wanted to relive my childhood again and share my love with children.
Question: Why are you going through this process?
Answer:
Me: We obviously can't have children by ourselves and I have always wanted to experience what it was like to be pregnant and carry. My wife is not interested in carrying.
Question: What reservations do you have about the being parents and the process?
Answer:
Me: "I am nervous about it not working and me finding out that I will not be able to get pregnant because it is something I have always wanted to experience."
My wife: "I'm worried about it not working."
Question: How do you feel about the child not being biologically yours?
Answer:
My wife: I am going to love them no matter what. It does not bother me that they aren't biologically mine.
Question: Do you have a good support system to help you through the process?
Answer:
My wife and I: We have a good support system but we need to think about who we are going to tell about what is going on.
This was a really important factor we had not yet considered and it would become something that we were very aware of once we had started the process. The psychologist explained that it is important to know who to share information with and who to withhold it from. This can be a very emotional and stressful process so you need to know who you can trust to devolve the information to. The more people who know, the more people who are going to be asking questions that could trigger an emotional response if the results aren't positive.
Other Information and Advice Offered
Their was other useful advice and information that was provided to use during this consultation. The psychologist gave us some tips on how to gradually tell our daughter about donor conception from an early age which included exposing her to children's books that include families like hers. She shared a list of different children's books to read with our daughter to help guide these conversations. I will share these books in a later post. She also told us about donor siblings and how there is a "donor sibling registry" that when our daughter is 18 she can register and find other children conceived with the same donor. The psychologist also explained to us how to refer to "the donor" to our child, our family, and friends. If you want to learn more about this and why it is important check out my previous post "Donor Not Daddy."
At the end of this consultation, my wife and I had a lot of things to think and talk about before we met with our doctor. Many of our questions had been answered but there seemed to be twice as many questions left in their wake.
With the preliminary process completed, we were ready for our first consultation and doctor visit!
Happy Friday,
We hope your weekend is full of smiles and laughter!
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