When my wife and I started our daughter in daycare at three months old, we were told by our fabulous infant teachers that usually when you have a difficult baby, you have an easy toddler. Well, I am here to tell you that is not the case. But, you know, I appreciate the sense of hope they filled us with.
So you may have noticed (or maybe not) that this blog took a pretty long hiatus and based on the title you probably already have an inkling as to why. The reason is...these toddler years hit hard. Like a face full of bricks hard. One moment you have a sweet little angel who can barely walk and the next they're a screaming monster who doesn't want the snack they had just specifically asked for seconds earlier.
It's rough out here folks. It's rough.
But we have learned a few tips and tricks along the way that have helped make this difficult stage survivable and dare I say it? Enjoyable.
5 Tips and Tricks on Surviving with a Toddler
1. Distract, Distract, Distract
Distraction is probably one of my favorite ways to handle my toddler losing her mind because I told her she couldn't have or do something. I have found that using "forbidden" objects such as keys, glasses cases, or even an empty AirPod case is the best way to pull your toddler's attention away from whatever it is they are upset about. But fair warning, this usually only works if your child is in the beginning phase of a tantrum. If it becomes a full-blown meltdown, you will have to ride it out until their overwhelming swirl of emotions begins to subside.
2. Think Outside the Box
Thinking outside the box tends to go hand in hand with distraction. Usually, some of the most ridiculous ideas have been my most successful when trying to encourage my toddler to do something she doesn't want to do. We had a long period where our daughter refused to get into the car without throwing a tantrum. Two of my Hail Mary passes were finding a cool rock on the ground and giving it to her and finding a caterpillar in a parking lot to distract her long enough to buckle her in. Toddlers are always thinking outside the box, so rather than try to beat them, join them in their abstract thinking.
3. Model Behavior
Kids are always watching what you do, what you say, and how you react to things. And, as you probably have noticed, they love to imitate too. Whether it be the swear that slipped out after they pulled their poopy diaper off, or watching you take a deep breath to calm yourself, they want to copy everything you do. One technique that I have found to help is teaching my daughter to take a break with me when she is getting upset. At first, it was just me locked in a room with a screaming child, but eventually, she learned that taking a break with me was not a punishment. She watched me engage in activities or strategies, such as reading a book, taking deep breaths, or counting, to help calm down. After several months of practice, she does it herself sometimes without being prompted.
This one is easier said than done. Let's face it. Kids are frustrating, toddlers are even more so. They don't know what they want, we don't know what they want. It is like being in the world's weepiest standoff and all you want to do is scream back at them. Because they asked for that toy and now they're crying?! However, if there is anything I have learned over the past few months it is that if your toddler sees you get upset they will dig their heels in and their "no" or cries will get even louder. It is so important to try to keep your own emotions in check because, most of the time, toddlers want attention whether it's positive or negative. And remember there is no shame in having to walk away if you need to. Just ensure your child is safe before taking a moment to compose yourself. This could model the importance of taking a break for your child.
5. Repeat Yourself
As a teacher, I don't like repeating myself, but toddlers don't process information the way we do as adults; it may take them several reminders before they can fully grasp what you are asking them to do. I have also found that if you continue to repeat your direction, especially when they don't want to do what you are asking them to do, they will eventually give in because they get bored. Repeating the same phrase or words can "bore the tantrum out of them (whattoexpect.com). If my daughter is, say, pouring her juice all over the floor, I will say, "Wipe it up, please" over and over calmly and consistently, and, eventually she will comply. I will also offer to help her which is another effective strategy.
Conclusion
I hope these tips and tricks serve you well. Unfortunately, I can't guarantee that all of them will help or that any will help you with this difficult phase because all kids are different. However, I can say that most of these random phases will not last and things will get easier. Believe it or not, toddlerhood has been my favorite stage so far because like all times in our lives there are hard times, but there are also amazing times too. Like the first time your child hugs you without being told, or when they say I love you for the first time. Watching your little human grow and experience the world for the first time as a toddler who is beginning to grasp what is going on is wonderful. So don't forget to take and remember all the good times too.
Thanks for Reading!
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References
Marygrace Taylor, C. W. (2022, September 6). Toddler temper tantrums. What to Expect. https://www.whattoexpect.com/toddler/temper-tantrums
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