In honor of pride month, I wanted to include a post about how to support a loved one who identifies as LGBTQ+. In my previous post, I discussed how the smallest action of showing acceptance or support of an LGBTQ individual can greatly impact their life. I have had so many people along the way help guide me towards self acceptance and I can honestly say I could not done so without my support system. Supporting a loved one who identifies as LGBTQ can be an enriching and rewarding experience, but can also be challenging. The emotional and social dynamics can be deeply personal and complicated. Here are some ways you can support your loved one during this time.
How to Support a Loved One Who Identifies as LGBTQ
1. Listen and Learn
One of the most important things you can do is to listen to your loved one. Listen to their experiences, their fears, and their feelings about what they are going through. It will be emotional and personal; ask them how they feel, what they need, and what you can do to support them. Be open-minded an willing to learn about their experiences.
2. Accept and Respect Your Loved One's Identity
Make sure to use the right words when speaking to or referring to your loved one. Be aware of the correct pronouns, names, and terminology that your loved one uses to describe them. This shows that you accept and respect who they are and how they identify. According to "Using transgender youths chosen names may lower suicide risks" by Rachel Gurevich, using an individuals chosen name and pronouns may lower suicide risk in transgender youths. Researchers found that using proper names and terminology lower depressive symptoms in transgender youth and lower their overall suicidal risks. It may seem small but this action and acknowledgement of a person's identity can have a significant impact on your loved ones mental health.
3. Show your Support Publicly
This can come in many shapes and forms. You may see people mistreat, insult, or harass your loved one for being LGBTQ. Standing up for your loved one shows that you will support them in times of need. However, know when a situation is not safe for you to personally handle. Do not put yourself in harms way and be aware of when to call the police if necessary. You can also show your support by attending LGBTQ events with your loved one or by simply sharing a post on social media.
4. Educate Yourself
Learn about not only the LGBTQ issues that are going on now but also about LGBTQ history. This can help you better understand your loved one's experiences and struggles.
5. Offer Emotional Support
Coming out and living as an LGBTQ individual can be challenging, so offering emotional support can be incredibly helpful. Let your loved one know you are there for them and that you love and accept them for who they are. You may also show emotional support when a loved one needs to tell someone else that they are LGBTQ. I remember asking my brother to come with me when I came out to my mom. Just his presence made me feel more at ease and helped quell my anxiety during what could have been a very difficult conversation had he not been there.
6. Reflect on Your Own Feelings
There is an excellent episode of the remake of "One Day at a Time," that shows the mother supporting her daughter when she comes out, but struggling to accept it when her daughter is not with her. She feels like a bad mom because she has difficulty coming to terms with her daughter's identity. I love this episode because it shows the scenario from a different point of view. Our family and friends have a certain idea or perception of us that they have had their entire life and with one conversation that all changes. As an LGBTQ individual, we struggle and wrestle with it for years before we learn to accept ourselves, so it may take time for a family and friends to reach that. To loved ones who are learning to accept it, simply show your support, do not say anything harmful, but be patient with yourself and your feelings as you come to terms with this new reality.
Conclusion
Supporting a loved one who identifies as LGBTQ is an ongoing commitment and requires effort, compassion, and understanding. Keep these tips in mind and continue to show your love and support through the good times and the bad. These small actions can have a positive lifelong impact on your loved one and they will appreciate and love you for it. We could not get through it alone.
References
Ellis, M. E. (2021a, July 22). 5 ways to support your LGBTQ loved one’s mental health. Constellation Behavioral Health. https://www.constellationbehavioralhealth.com/blog/5-ways-to-support-your-lgbtq-loved-ones-mental-health/
Gurevich, R. (2018, April 10). Using transgender youths’ chosen names May Lower Suicide Risk. Reuters. https://www.reuters.com/article/us-health-youth-transgender/using-transgender-youths-chosen-names-may-lower-suicide-risk-idUSKBN1HH2WH
Supporting someone who is LGBTQIA+ with mental health problems. Mind. (n.d.). https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/lgbtqia-mental-health/supporting-someone-who-is-lgbtqia/
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