Before I even became an LGBTQ parent, I had heard so many rumors and myths revolving around LGBTQ parenting. Back when I was in high school, one of my friends said that every child needed to have a mom and a dad. That having two moms, two dads, or having parents in the LGBTQ community would "mess up" any kid. Well, I am here to talk about the many common myths regarding LGBTQ parenting and I am going to debunk every one of them.
4 Myths About LGBTQ Parenting
Myth 1: Children with LGBTQ parents will have a negative upbringing
This myth is one I have heard the most often. There have been numerous studies that show that "parental sexual orientation has no notable impact on childhood development" (Pace, 2016). Another study showed that, "Children of lesbian and gay parents did not differ from children of heterosexual parents in emotional and mental health difficulties" (Calzo, Mays, Bjorkenstam, Bjorkenstam, Kosidou, & Cochran, 2019). I can list many more studies that have the same findings. In fact, Forbes Magazine stated that there are at least "34 studies published between 1989 and April 2022 that all found that having LGBTQ parents is not an important factor in children's upbringing. All studies state that having a loving, supportive, and nurturing environment is what truly matters in children having a positive upbringing.
Myth 2: LGBTQ Parents cannot provide a traditional family structure
All families, including that of those with LGBTQ parents, come in all different shapes and sizes. The "traditional family," is considered to be a married man and woman living with their biological children. Based on this United States Census Bureau article, which only focused on opposite-sex couples, "non-traditional" families are on the rise while "traditional families" are decreasing. Only 46.3% of heterosexual families are considered to be "traditional" while the rest of families in the United States (53.7% to be exact) are "non-traditional." So if you are trying to make this argument, why don't we first talk about the 53.7% of heterosexual couples that also aren't providing "a traditional family structure?" LGBTQ parents can provide a stable and loving home environment for their children, just like any other family, just as single-parent households, households with step-parents and all other "non-traditional" families. What matters most is providing a safe, loving, and supportive environment for our children.
Myth 3: LGBTQ Parents will face discrimination, which will negatively affect their children
I am not going to argue that LGBTQ parents will not face discrimination because we all know that this is a reality. However, many people outside of the LGBTQ community face discrimination as well. It is not about the exposure to discrimination that could negatively impact children, but how it is handled. LGBTQ parents have the unique experience of knowing how to handle and navigate these unfortunate situations and therefore can pass that knowledge on to their children. By fostering open dialogue and teaching our children how to accept others despite their differences, we have the opportunity to raise empathetic and compassionate children.
Myth 4: LGBTQ parents will struggle to connect with their children
I can tell based on my own experience that this is not true. Although our daughter is not biologically my wife's, the bond they share is like nothing I have seen before. Our daughter has been connected to my wife since before she could even walk. Just like all parents, LGBTQ parents form strong bonds with their children based on unwavering love and support. Sexual orientation or gender identity does not diminish our ability to make meaningful relationships with people or our own children. As was stated before, it is about creating an open and safe environment that encourages communication and empathy between parents and children despite one's sexuality.
Conclusion
LGBTQ parents definitely have some obstacles to overcome in their parenthood journeys that many heterosexual couples don't, but this does not diminish our ability to be loving parents and raise empathetic and wonderful human beings. As so many studies have shown, having LGBTQ parents or a "non-traditional" family does not affect the psychological or emotional well being of our children and we are fully capable of forming strong bonds with our children biological or not.
References
Gryn, T. (2023, May 25). Married couple households made up most of family households. Census.gov. https://www.census.gov/library/stories/2023/05/family-households-still-the-majority.html
Hart, R. (2024, February 20). Kids raised by same-sex parents fare same as-or better than-kids of straight couples, research finds. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/roberthart/2023/03/06/kids-raised-by-same-sex-parents-fare-same-as-or-better-than-kids-of-straight-couples-research-finds/?sh=53c7939c7738
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